Dedicated to Himiwarichan
by SarentoKensei
Summary: This is directed at Himiwari. I'm not good with apologies. I usually don't mess up so bad. I emailed this to you, but I'm posting it just to...say... It's my fault. May the fanfiction community shame me for my crappy Lithuania-ness. T for language.


Lithuania, was the type of man who only drank when he was depressed. Samane was his favorite, but he enjoyed the harder Russian liquor.

Vodka.

A head lolled lazily on his own kitchen counter. It was his own, of course. He was the only one who lived here. It was so peculiar, in his opinion. To be alone in a house, with no one to boss you around like Poland or…

Russia.

A sigh escaped his lips, so he chose to stand.

"_I hate it when people ignore me. It reminds me of you." _

Why had he said that? He couldn't quite recall. Perhaps he thought it would be funny. Perhaps, he wanted to say something he couldn't bring himself to blurt out.

The man he said it to hurt him. Badly. He showed Lithuania a great friendship… Then he just abandoned him entirely. Russia just stopped caring, like he found he didn't need Lithuania anymore…

And it felt like he didn't even care how much it hurt to be alone….Because all Lithuania ever wanted was Russia to be his friend. So….The Russian man would no longer feel lonely and sad and would always have a friend by his side. And Lithuania only wanted that too, so if they ever needed someone, they always had each other to go to. But Russia never wanted the same thing.

"_You know what, Litva, I don't need this, you're bothering me." Russia snapped at him. Shock came over the younger mans face. In all honesty, he wasn't sure what brought him to say that. Why…_

"_Bothering you? I only treat you like you treat others. You only hate my words because you know they're true!" Words spilled out of the now drunken mans mouth, and anger shook his tiny frame._

_Can't I control my tongue?_ Russia meant a lot to the younger man, their friendship especially. Their were times where they just had fun, and hung out. There were other times where they fought, but one or the other always had the strength to say they were sorry.

"_NO it's not! And honestly, you are a total bitch. I do not treat people like you do, just, never fucking talk to me again. I thought you were cool but you are a total fucking needy bitch. Good fucking bye." Russia glowered down upon the Lithuanian man._

Did he hurt Russia's feelings with the words he spoke? Anger rose from nowhere and he wished spoken words and hatred was something he could drown away how he could drown his own misery in his drinks.

But that's not how this cruel cruel world is capable of working.

"_Don't worry!" The man growled, anger spewing like a volcano that desired nothing more than to destroy a town. The anger was uncontrollable and what truly generated this anger was unknown. "I won't ever talk to you again. I thought you were cool too, until I realized you are a psycho who only cared about himself and his own personal gain. In a sense-" A bitter laugh erupted from his lips. "-you're a lot like me. But I have someone special in my life, Belarus, and you DON'T!"_

That's when the young man _knew_ he went way too far down the line. Spoken hatred and a bubbling pit of sudden anger can eradicate any sense of care, for a person's feelings. Russia was a strong man, but lonely. Pushing those who truly cared for him and his well being away so he didn't have to fear the fact he would drag those he loved into oblivion with him. But he never realized with doing so…. It hurt others. Lithuania would admit he was needy. Needed friends to fill up the discriminating voices in his mind who tell him how worthless he is. He relied too much on those around him.

But they relied on him too.

And the one person he felt he could relate to more than anyone kept pushing him away and he had no clue why. All Lithuania ever wanted to do was be Russia's friend he could rely on. His own selfishness got in the way. The need to have things perfect. But Russia had already apologized for his rudeness to the brunette man. Was that not enough? Was there so much hurt built up like a dam of water and a crack just grew larger and larger to the point it busted open and that dam of water transformed into a lava and destroyed what was in it's path.

His own insecurities and large mouth cost him a wonderful friendship.

Even if it often felt like it was onesided.

A loud groan erupted from the pale blue eyed mans lips, tears dripping onto the counter top.

"_I'm sorry Russia."_ He wished, he could say, and have the courage to do.

"I'm so so sorry…. I fucked up."

**I'm sorry Himiwari-chan.**


End file.
